Introduction to a Girl Who Hates Free Time
Hey everyone! My name is Maria Shedler and I am a Senior here at the best University on Earth. I am earning my Bachelor of Administration degree in Business Marketing and I was fortunate enough to love it from the beginning, and never have to go through the stress of changing my major. This is part of the reason why I am set to graduate a semester early in December. When I tell people this, they often ask if I'm excited to graduate and start this next chapter in my life. To which I tell them that while of course I'm excited to finally get my degree, I am also extremely sad to be leaving the University of Oklahoma and all the wonderful people within early. Throughout my 3 years here, I have been extremely involved on campus from the beginning. I am involved in Greek life where I've held numerous positions within my chapter ranging all the way from Social Chair, to Marketing Chair, even positions such as University Sing, Sooner Scandals, and Homecoming Chairs. These last th...
Hello Maria,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your introduction! I was very easy to read and to understand. By the first two sentences, I could tell the direction you were going with your story book. You should make the fairytales with real people and make it a theme. It is going to be interesting to read about Italian fairytales. I don't think I have ready those before. Another cool idea would be to incorporate other fairytales that aren't in Italian and make those characters the more non-important characters in your stories.
Hi Maria! I loved your introduction! It was very well written and even sounded a bit story-like itself. I especially enjoy the idea of narrating the story book from the perspective of a father telling his kids bedtime stories. With that being said, the lack of reference back to you as the author made things a little confusing. I can understand cutting it in the final project, but perhaps in the editing stages you could leave your name somewhere on the home page? Or even just a link to your comment wall? When I first read the introduction, I was afraid I had the wrong project! Other than that, I'm really excited to see what you come up with for your stories. Do you plan on sharing how the children trip to Italy goes as part of the stories? Or perhaps rather than their father telling them these tales, the introduction could be the flight to Naples where their Nonno (Italian word for grandad) offers to tell them some bedtime stories? Just some ideas, but I think the set up is great as is. Also, the background pictures are beautiful!
ReplyDeleteHi Maria, I like your storybook introduction. At first, I was a little confused since you jumped straight into a story, but by the end I was able to understand exactly what you were trying to do and was able to tie it all together. I like how your storybook has personal relevance to you. I think incorporating the personal aspect into your stories will help create a more personal connection between you, as the author, and the readers. I also think you have chosen a unique topic that will be very interesting to read. By focusing on the bedtime story scene, I think you open up a unique way to narrative your stories. Regarding your overall website, I wonder if adding a brief intro/purpose on the homepage where it says “This is a storybook project for MILL-3043” would help entice your readers and help display the purpose of your storybook. Also, I think it may be beneficial to make it where your stories appear on the homepage; instead of having to click to open the navigation menu. Just a thought. I am excited to read your first story!
ReplyDeleteHi Maria, I like how personal your introduction sounds. I was a little confused at first because I couldn't tell if you were writing a story to lead into the whole project or if you were actually talking about your life. I think its a great idea to do Italian stories and incorporate them into bedtime stories. It would be really cool if you wrote your stories as if you were telling them to your kids, like the movie "Bedtime Stories." I was wondering how you were planning on changing the original stories to make them unique? I haven't read any of the stories you are basing your project off of so a note about those stories would be great to include for people like me! I think your project will turn out great with just a little more details added! Can't wait to start reading your stories when you get them up! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHey Maria! I really enjoyed reading your introduction! I was worried at first because I couldn’t really tell what was going on, but I like how your introduction revealed more information as it continued, revealing one thing bit by bit. I would suggest, though, that you make it clear that the story is told from the point of view of a man in a modern age a little bit earlier because I thought—from the title and from the castle backdrop—that it was set in a more medieval time, maybe a king telling stories to the young prince and princess. I like how you’re going to incorporate the fairy tales of a specific culture in this Storybook. Is there any particular reason why you chose to do this? Are you Italian? I think it would be cool if you added a very brief author’s note explaining why you chose to do this project; it would help orient and engage your readers. Otherwise, you’re doing a very great job! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHi Maria! I really liked how you decided to do your introduction. I really enjoyed reading it and it was such a creative way to write it. I think making it from the perspective of one of your future story's characters was so unique. It really engaged me as a reader. You had a couple minor grammar errors, but they are easy fixes! I like to use an application on my computer called "Grammarly". It is a super easy tool that shows you what stuff you need to fix. I also love how you wrote your introduction in somewhat of a story format. The introduction itself seemed to be its own miniature story. What made you think of the bedtime stories idea and why did you pick the Italian theme for your fairytales? Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Maria! I just finished reading your story "Italian Royals," and loved it! I loved the way you followed the similar story line of "Cinderella" while still adding in your own twist on the story. You used many descriptive words that really helped captivate the different aspects of the story. I love any story where there's always a happy ending. After reading your story, I want to read the original story now! I think it would have been interesting if there was a bit more dialogue in the story. I wondered what the sisters said or were thinking when they saw what Cenerentola was originally going to wear to the ball. I wonder what happened to the two other sisters once Cenerentola married the prince? Were they jealous? What happened to the father? Did he ever find out how the two sisters treated Cenerentola? Overall, I enjoyed reading your story. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteHi Maria!
ReplyDeleteI think that telling these stories in the format of bedtime stories is such a good idea, and it will bring a familiar format to the unfamiliar Italian fairy tales. I really enjoyed your retelling of Cinderella. I think it was smart to use the Italian translation of the name. Also, having Cenerentola ask for a bean from her father was a unique aspect to the story. It also further developed Cenerentola’s character by hinting that she is more hardworking than her sisters and less into materialistic things. I was a little curious as to why Cenerentola did not want her sisters to see her at the ball? I assumed they left her behind at the house because they were embarrassed at how she was dressed. Wouldn’t they no longer be embarrassed if she was well dressed? Also, it might help to tie this story and the introduction together by adding something about Angela and Anthony’s opinion about the story at the beginning or end.
Hi Maria,
ReplyDeleteGreat job with this story and introduction! I like the premise you used in your introduction to frame your storybook. Honestly, I thought that it was going to say that the family is actually royalty but the little kids don't know because they have been raised like normal kids, and now it is time for them to go back to Italy and visit their ailing grandfather, the King. So if you like that idea feel free to incorporate it. Regardless though, I thought it was really great. The Cenerentola story was also very good! I enjoyed your changes to the story, especially the bean sprout. My only suggestion would be to explain just a little bit, about how the dress happened.The pumpkin makes sense to me because of the bean sprout but not the dress. What if you attributed it to some kind force of nature that saw her caring for the bean sprout, or a spirit that lives in the bean plant. Whatever you choose, I can't wait to read more of your stories
-Cat
ReplyDeleteYour writing style is lovely! This feels exactly like a well-told bedtime story. The action is balanced perfectly with description, and the story is clear and well-paced. I had no idea this was also a common Italian fairy-tale.
I really enjoyed how Cenerentola's modesty was rewarded; asking for only a bean instead of fancy things shows wisdom and an appreciation for practical things. Using a bean instead of a fairy godmother allowed the reader to focus more on Cenerentola herself, rather than using valuable story time describing the backstory and dialogue the godmother would've required.
The only thing that stood out to me was the description of her family as close... The father and Cenerentola seem very close, but the elder sisters don't seem to have much regard for her. I'm also curious as to the fate of their mother! Is she dead? Did the parents divorce? Including perhaps a sentence regarding how the sisters evolved to treat their sibling this way could be nice.
Thank you for a lovely fairytale!
Hey Maria! I find this idea for a storybook so fascinating! What was the inspiration behind it? I liked how the introduction revealed more and more and didn't immediately lay the entire premise of the story out for us. Your first story about Cenerentola was a really strong start! What possessed her to ask for a bean instead of any other gift? Did she know what the small seed was capable of, or was it sheer coincidence that she was able to benefit from its power? I bet her sisters felt silly for making fun of it in the end! I also loved Parrastra and the writing style that you've used throughout. Why did the stepmother despise her husband's children so much? What made the son become a calf when he entered into the water? I'm curious what powers the creek must have if it can turn a boy into a calf. Keep it up, I can't wait to see what other stories you include!
ReplyDeleteHi Maria, I think your storybook is incredibly interesting. I think that it was cool that in your introduction, you left the reader wanting more. It made me want to lean in and get to the next part of your story. I think it could be cool if you wrote more of a background about the family in the story. For instance, what happened to the mother? What are the sisters' relationships with each other like and how did they begin to think of each other this way? Just so that the reader can get in the right headspace to learn. Other than that I think that it was such an interesting read. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Maria, I like the theme of your storybook. The Royals and your picture of that is good too. The castle really brings the story together and the theme. After reading your introduction I really wanted to read more. I like that you explained your personal story of how your father used to tell you stories when you were younger. I get how you came up with the idea of using tales. One thing i wish I got was more background story on the family. I am wondering where her mother went and that was unclear to me. Did she leave early on or was it that she passed away. Other than that I enjoyed reading your story and reading through the page. Good luck with the read of the stories and the semester. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Maria! Having a link to your comment wall on your cover page was very convenient! I loved your introduction to the narrator. I thought the father character telling a bed time story to is his children was a very sweet, clever role for your project. I loved your version of Cinderella, Cenerentola. I could see the similarities to the original version, but I also noticed your additions like the father being the caretaker instead of the evil step mother! I would suggest adding one more twist or maybe a new character to make the story more of your own! Parrastra had bits and pieces the reminded me of Hansel and Gretel, but the morphology of the boy and the stepmother’s child showed a completely new story for me! I was really surprised when the stepmother tried to kill the daughter, and I was really surprised when the prince killed the stepmother’s daughter. You did a really great job of grabbing the reader’s attention with this plot!
ReplyDeleteHi Maria! I really like your storybook and the images you have chosen. I love the intro with the father telling bedtime stories to his children. I really loved your version of Cinderella! I might actually like it better than the real one! I had never heard of the Parrastra story before, but it was very interesting as well. There were quite a few twists and turns in that story to keep it interesting.
ReplyDeleteEven though it was fairly short, there was a lot packed into it! You've done a really good job on these! Keep up the good work!
Hi Maria!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your stories (and the picture of the castle at the top! I have passed by that castle a few times) These stories really are great - they reminded me of the types of stories I would read when i was young. My grandmother had a book of old fairy tales that weren't really popular. It was an old book and theses stories reminded me of them. They made me really happy to read. While I was abroad I went to many castles so seeing this many stories about them made me happy. I really had good visualization of what was going on based on what I had seen. I loved these stories and I can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work !
Hey Maria! I just read your story about Cenerentola and it makes me wish I did a storybook that was full of renditions of fairy tales that I read growing up. I absolutely loved your idea of the bean growing from her tears. One question I have from reading the story is why Cenerentola hid from her sisters at the ball? Was she afraid of them? Did she not want to hurt their feelings by ruining their chance to be with the prince? I think that it would be interesting if you added a part to the end of the story where her sisters try on the shoe with the hopes of convincing the prince that he should be with on of them, but he spots Cenerentola working on her garden on his way out and asks her to try it on!
ReplyDeleteHey Maria, I really like what you have done with your Storybook Project so far! I think the concept of a father telling stories to his children lends itself nicely to the idea of a Storybook because, well I hope that is self-explanatory haha! One thing you might consider, is adding some dialogue between father and children before and after each story. This kind of framing would add a nice cohesiveness to the overall storybook and might provide some interesting paths to take the overarching story itself. For example, you might be able to find a story and have the father claim that one of the characters is actually their grandfather. Then, in a kind of epilogue when they finally go to meet their grandfather, the children might observe certain behaviors that inspire a belief in fairytales. Alternatively, this might be a good way for you to provide commentary on each story through that dialogue. Overall, great job with you storybook so far. I look forward to seeing the finished product!
ReplyDeleteHi Maria! I loved your version of the story of Cenerentola. I studied Italian here at OU for three years, so hearing the Italian version made me pretty happy. I loved your use of a bean instead of a bird. It reminded me a bit of the musical "Into the Woods." I also enjoyed your retelling of Parrastra. I was a bit confused throughout, as this one moves a bit more quickly, but once I reached your author's note, I understood the context and was able to follow the tale. Your storybook made me so nostalgic for my Italian classes! I was curious if these stories were supposed to be framed in the context of a bedtime story? Once I got past your intro, the theme of bedtime stories didn't really carry through. Overall, great work! The richness of the tales make me want to hear more about Italian fairy tales. I'm excited to come back and read the last one.
ReplyDeleteHi Maria! I love princess stories, especially Disney princesses, so you can imagine my excitement after reading your introduction. First, great job on your introduction! I read your story Parrastra. I think that it is cool how parrastra means stepmother and how you incorporated that as the major part of your story. I think your story could be use better transitions when you are describing each major event. It felt like I was moving from a big event to the next and then all of a sudden the story was over. I would love some more of those minor details so that your story has a better flow to it. There was one grammatical error that I found. Towards the end, the sentence “She brought her one-eyed daughter to visit the children, but when the parrastra was found her husband's daughter alone, she threw her from her window into the lake,” I think you can remove the “was” after parrastra. Other than that, great job and I look forward to reading more from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Maria!
ReplyDeleteI just got to read your Cenerentola story! I was excited to read this because I remembered reading your introduction about your storybook and was really intrigued by it. You did a good job by starting off the story by giving your character's background. That always helps the reader get the full picture of your character and their life and even could answer questions they might have about the characters. I love how this is an Italian version of Cinderella, because I am so fond of the Cinderella story. I liked how you changed the bird in the original story to a bean. That was creative and fun. I could really see the similarities of the English Cinderella story and the Italian story. Great job!
Hi Maria! I just got to read your Parrastra story. You do such a great job of making the scenery come to life. I felt like i could picture exactly where the story was taking place based on your use of imagery and detail. I like how you used the typical story of the step mother hating her step children. From that point on it had me immediately interested to know what was going to happen in the rest of the story. You do a great job of capturing the readers attention through the whole story. I never felt bored or felt like i knew what was going to happen next. Your story really takes a turn of events and i kept wanting to read more and more. You really make the characters come to life and i felt like i was able to get to know their personalities through your story. I loved that your story has a happy ending, i really wanted the father to find his children. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Maria! First off, I have to say that I love the idea that you chose for your project for this semester. I think it is really unique and fun while still being interesting for the readers. I did read all of your stories, and I must say that you do a really amazing job at the use of imagery and details throughout all of your stories. I found it really easy to visualize the story as a movie in my head, and it was really fun to actually be able to imagine the world in which your characters are living. You do a wonderful job at keeping your readers interested in the story the entire way through and never letting them feel bored. Overall, I think you have done a great job with your project for this semester! Good luck with your finals and have a great rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteHi again Maria!
ReplyDeleteI think the choice of Parrastra was perfect for a father reading bedtime stories to his children. The only thing I missed a little bit was perhaps a bit of dialogue here and there. I've never heard this story before, and your author's note gave enough of a background to inspire me to check out the original. The story flowed great, and the characters developed nicely by the end. I only saw a single grammar bit that distracted me for a second, "when the parrastra was found her husband's daughter alone..." I was surprised to learn of the calf-brother's role in damaging the stepdaughter's eye in the original, but leaving that out left me a little more open in assessing both stepmother and stepdaughter from the beginning. I'm also wondering if the theme of stepmother or step-siblings played a part in your choice of stories to retell.
Happy finals!
Maria,
ReplyDeleteI love how you tell your children stories every night! I think its really great how you decided to start telling them Italian stories not only for the entertainment purpose but also for teaching them some of the history of Italy. Before reading your author's note, I was noticing how your Cenerentola story mimicked that of Cinderella. I really enjoyed how there are obvious connections to Cinderella yet there are parts of the story that are different such as the lack of a fairy-god mother and the animals making her a dress. Your second story was pretty captivating and leaves me with the questions of: Did the daughter turn into anything when she fell into the lake? How did the dad feel to learn that his wife had been plotting to kill his children the whole time. Also, I feel it was pretty sad to have the blind daughter killed cause she seemed to just be caught in the situation, not actually helping/harming it.